i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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