have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
