As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
did i walk over a car last night?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
