YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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