After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
