I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
