awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
