it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
