Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
