i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is it because I queefed?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
