You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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