i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
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