i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
being pregnant is like rehab
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
