GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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