Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
