So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
