I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You made out with two different species that night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
