i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This house was built for laser tag.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
