Got a toothbrush?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Boobs are out for the taking
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
