Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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