I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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