you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
