Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
home. puking in laundry basket.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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