Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
