It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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