god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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