I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
