"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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