how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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