thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
