i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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