My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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