How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Farmville is her only friend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
