When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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