she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
