whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
