She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
