Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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