my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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