puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
