if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize