I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
