I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is that strawberry winking at me??
why is half of my head shaved?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
