I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
