I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
