Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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