I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I smell stomach acid.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
