My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
