Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
