So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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