Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
