She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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