My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
