Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize