No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
