Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
