I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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