Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
