i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
