some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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