Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
