Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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