you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
