Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
