Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize