I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We named our party play list daddy issues
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
