letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize