if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And then my night got REAL pukey
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
