i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
