a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
