My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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